What Mario Saw That Night
by Darfur Maxx
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid . . .


"Hello!" the naked nullo eunuch known as Mario sez, no, says; no, shits. "It's-a me, Mario!"

Ushio was busy masturbating to animal poarn (the evolved form of porn,) as all shitty kanmusu do when otaku aren't watching. Her ship cloaca chirped happily and sappily at the Alfred Alfer x Drew Pickles x Pee-Wee Herman hentai three-way, mixed with a heavily edited episode of _Law & Order: Special Victim Unit_ that was forcing its florescent, mood-altering strobes, to subtly rearrange the wiring of her frontal lobe in such a way that will cause her to lose her eyesight, and vote for a libertarian U.S. presidential candidate in 2020, before she turns twenty-five years old. Her mood soured the moment she noticed the greasy man standing behind her.  
She turned her head slowly, glaring over her shoulder as she swiveled around in her chair to face Mario. "Go away," She growled in her best impression of Olivia Benson. " _I hate you._ "

" **No.** " Mario wagged his mustache and eyebrows in defiant, unrestrained anticipation.

Suddenly, with all the agility and professional foresight of pornographic variants of every single episode from every single series and spinoff of _Law & Order_, she pulls out a handgun and cocks it, aiming for the heart, like an elite police detective from New York City. "I said GO AWAY! You fat, dirty FUCK!"

"FAACK-A YOUUUUU-SHIO!" Mario screeched as he unleashed a torrent of Super Mario Fury from his nice and smooth front. It hit her right in the brain stem, killing her instantly.  
Mario stood in triumph, having finally put one of the attackers of Pearl Harbor to a fate worse than overly sexualized brown-skinned American male prison gang rape.  
"YEAH! HAH-HAH-HAAAAAHHH!" This filled him with so much Patriotic Pride that he enlisted in the U.S. military immediately, using the Nintendo Power™.

Because he was Super Mario, he was soon thrown in the back of a garbage truck at the earliest convenience by two Green Berets, who were disguised as undercover police officers, disguised as registered sex offenders, disguised as Chris Hansen in a desperate attempt to molest children on school property.

"You wan' goin' de ahhmy?! Fatty bi'ch whit' boii, huaaaahhh!" one of the two, non-descript pedophile warriors/felons/PROUD AMERICAN PATRIOTS screamed, right in Mario's scrunched up testicle of a face. It was really loud and mean and it turned Mario's doughy nullo eunuch sensibilities into an embittered gutter demon of castrations. Mario mindlessly salutes and nods, before shitting himself.

And thus concludes Mario's grueling boot camp experience. He now possesses all of the skills and tactics needed to become a low level drug dealer, in the name of national security. The two Green Berets had Mario dress in the blood-stained clothes of a Serbian immigrant. Next thing Mario knew, he was clad in a cheap, smelly, black and red coloured track suit someone got murdered in, and a pink trucker hat that proudly displays "WILL HONK FOR **YUGE BOOBS!** " in eye-catching gold and black Comic Sans font.

"Now, go forth, and unleash your poarnstar destiny, you fat dego cuck!" The Green Berets saluted him, before unceremoniously dumping him out of their moving vehicle into a busy intersection in Detroit. Mario was almost run over immediately by a cop car. Then narrowly avoids another one. Then a third one. Mario was about to panic as he saw an entire squadron of police cruisers zooming past him. It hadn't even been ten minutes and he's already facing the fuzz at full throttle. One car actually hit him, as if on cue of his realization. It crushed his kneecaps and it caused him to fall down, like a doughy midget man. He made inhuman noises of pain and hatred, now fookin' pissed that his knees got broke by the cops.

"JEEWWWWWWWAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS! SPICSLIT FUCKER WHOOORRREEESSS!"

That was all it took for the remaining cop cars to start spiraling and drifting around him at high speed.  
Little did Mario know, that in Trump's America, unacceptable, or even fake racist, or sexist phrases in public are punishable by DEATH!  
Low-riding dirty ass cops are swirling around him, like the water inside a toilet bowl relentlessly sucking down a giant turd, like himself.  
Even Mario can't stop this many cockholes and birth canals. He slaps his ass fiercely, partly to empower himself staring into the face of death itself, in the form of twelve police cruisers.  
Partly, however, simply because he likes making an ass of himself at the worst possible times. It was part of the reason Luigi had moved away from his lecherous ass. The other part, however, Luigi and his friends don't like to talk about.

It had to do with that one, fateful summer night.

* * *

Dear ol' uncle Travis, the man that Mario used to look up to, had a weird condition; one that caused him to fetishize, no, **obsess** over the act of genital removal. He wanted to do this to Mario for a long time, as far back to the day she was born, in matter of fact. In Travis' mind, since she was fourteen at the time, and her breasts have grown fucking huge, that it was the perfect excuse to finally go through with it. She needed them parts removed, of course, otherwise she'll inevitably touch some other girl or woman's parts and end up wetting herself, in matter of fact.

Which is gay of course, and therefore not natural nor godly, because God and Black Peter says so, in matter of fact, of course.

Travis didn't understand the female body, or even the most obvious facts about orientation or genitals, in fact, of course, in matter of fact, in fact. In his eyes, God apparently hated mankind enough to demand him and his male brethren to be attracted to unnatural gyroids with no penises, testicles or prostates to circumcise and castrate, and the bible-themed key chains whispering sweet, sweet madness was not helping him, Mario or Luigi lead remotely normal, incest-free lives, so he believes that this is how the GAY spreads. It is okay for a girl or woman to wet herself while touching another girl or woman's parts **only** when she can see all ten of her toes on her bare feet. And _**only**_ while their toes are wiggling. If it's true for him, then it must be true for everybody. Perhaps even God. God saw Adam and Eve's parts after all, but did not touch them. Because He is a just, forgiving God, and He is not a total sick fuck that will use your own love against you.

If only Luigi and Jesus were that lucky.

On one hot, fateful summer night, after Mario had her fill of her Mario Cum stained toy that she loved so very much, it happened.

Travis flew in through the window across the room, his beard flapping in the midnight breeze. The key chains were rattling every which way, and yet made no noise. He saw his niece and nephew laying on top of the covers, with Mario nestling her prey in her sleep, their animalistic actions apparent to anyone who's ever lived through their sick sad little world, and not that hard to figure out for those that haven't. He was naked and barefoot. Everyone in the room was, in fact. Travis slid his hand down his body, until he reached his crotch. Or where it used to be, for he had his genitals removed. There was only smooth skin there, just like the key chains, his LORD, his MASTER, has decreed to become a nice and smooth front, which he applies baby oil and lotion to after every time he bathes while looking down upon where his genitals used to be, while smiling.

Which is every single day.

His nice and smooth front also happens to contain a hidden scalpel, the kind used to circumcise babies. In the LORD's wisdom, He told Travis to have the doctor surgically install a hidden sheath inside his body, right next to where the doctor rerouted Travis' urethra, which was next to the anus, like a girl or woman's. Travis was now armed with the tool that will save the sanctity of heterosexual hegemony. The key chains all pointed towards Mario, specifically at her chest. Travis knew what had to be done. He clumsily waddled towards the Mario siblings, picked up a boob, and _sliced into the halal_. He, unlike the eunuch nullo doctor that was responsible for turning him into a nullo himself, did not know shit about anything that had nothing to do with the giblet-headed vomit modern day fathead pastors spew out, much less delicate surgical procedures, and simply cut it in half. Mario woke up screaming, already driven half insane by the sudden, searing pain. She looked at the cause, and saw her naked uncle stomping her mutilated big boobs into gory red mush with his bare feet.

"Good morning Mario," said Travis, "I am removing them genitals from you now in matter of fact of course."

"MAKE IT STOP!" Mario screamed out, over and over. "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! I'M BEGGING YOU, TRAVIS! STOP!"

"I can't, or you will end up touching a girl or woman's parts and turn gay, of course in matter of fact." Travis said matter-of-factly while waving his finger at her, as if he knew what he was talking about in the slightest. His toes suddenly grew sharp talons due to Mario's blood being in direct contact with his blood-thirsty bare feet, and started raking her flesh to shreds! Clumps of bloody skin, fat, and gore fell through Travis' toes as he plopped on the ground sitting up so we could utilize both of his feet at once. He practically disemboweled her through her chest as she screamed relentlessly on top of her bed.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK FUCK **FUCK** _FUCK-FUCK-_ _ **FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK!-!-!**_ "

The whole situation was excruciating and humiliating beyond belief. Travis had already finished turning her mammaries into mulch, and is now coming for her cooter, compelled by the holy spirit being channeled through the _WordGirl_ and _Arthur_ -themed key chains (but not the _SheZow_ one. That key chain just wants Travis to watch more reruns of _Caillou_ and give small children terminal brain cancer.)

Mario trembled, laying on her back, her expression somewhere between what Luigi's expression often was after "uniting", and the face Steve Irwin made throughout the eternity of his tortures in hell; sentenced there due to his love of those soulless, meaningless animals in life. The whole bed was covered in her blood. Bits and pieces of what used to be her breasts coated one of the few happy places that she had in this world, as well as her sweet baby brother, pretending he was asleep and that this wasn't happening. The last thing she ever wanted was anything happening to him, and for all she knew, he would've went for Luigi if she wasn't there. She took a deep, laboured breath, and mustered the effort to intelligibly speak out.

Just when Travis started to bring the scalpel towards her body, she started talking. "Please, no more of this. I'm sorry!" She said as calmly as possible, which came out in pained sobs. She was crying and hadn't even realized until the tears started falling into her mouth. Utterly dehumanizing. "I don't know why you're doing this, I don't even like girls. You don't have to do this, I'm not gay and I never was, now STOP IT! FUCKING STOP TRAVIS, **STOP!** "

Travis wasn't listening to her. While Mario begged for him to stop, he pondered for a moment. It didn't take him long to decide on his next act; he was going to inflict her with a rapid-necrotizing agent that specifically targets the genitalia. He thumbs over the _Arthur_ -themed key chain until he finds a small button, and presses it. A small, thin, pointy knife slides out of the _Arthur_ -themed key chain's crotch, making a "sssliicc-KH" sound. This knife was designed so that the necrotizing agent was contained within the needle-like blade, where it would penetrate the skin and act as a ghetto, _Arthur_ -themed syringe when used like one.

It was finally time to defeat the spirit of homosexuality, in the name of Black Peter, Buster Baxter, Arthur Read, WordGirl, Caillou, Santa Claus, and last and by far the least, outside of _SheZow_ of course, Jesus Christ.

Without saying a word, he stabbed Mario right in the clitoris.


End file.
